And then

"I always thought the words, and then, were a prelude to something wonderful" - Lang Leav

The last few weeks have involved a lot of thinking, figuring things out, learning about myself, and a lot of words written and erased. Things have seemed a little crazy lately. So much has happened in the past year, even more so in the last 2 months. I think I have learnt more about myself in the last little while than I have in a very, very long time. 

I read the above quote from a poem by Lang Leav and realised just how significant those two little words are in my life. And then...

It's always been extremely hard for me to be honest with myself. Constantly accepting things at face value, never challenging what I am made to believe. I suppose now that I think about it, it all seems a little naive. Perhaps I was. Maybe I still am.  

I think we get to a point in our lives where we're content, happy with how things are, happily moving with the flow, constantly telling yourself everything is a-okay. But is it? Was it ever? You're happy, in essence. You're loved, cared for, you have a job, you have friends who care, a family who loves you. 

And then...

Whether you wake up one day and realise everything has changed or whether someone decides that for you, something changes, within you. It makes you realise that you had never really stopped to think about any of it.

While and then could mean a sudden realisation, I have come to learn that it can - like Leav said - be the prelude to something wonderful. 

Life is tough, people are even tougher, but one day you wake up and it all seems to have calmed, balanced out a little. You're happy, even with the terrible decisions you made a few days earlier, with the fact that you have no idea what you are doing, no idea what you want. You're happy to be learning that it's alright to not know your next move, even though you always knew your next move. Predictable is dull, right? 

One day you wake up and everything has changed. You learn to cope, slowly, and then you eventually realise that you're no longer just dealing, just accepting, just living. You realise that you're pretty damn happy. And that's what it comes down to.  

You cannot undo what has been done, un-sing a song that's already been sung.